It’s been more than three years since I had to navigate managing absences for a dog with separation anxiety while also trying to live my life—as a single person, in an expensive city (Boston!), with a job outside the house and my closest family several states away. It’s also been four years since I began working professionally with guardians facing this same struggle, speaking with hundreds of them along the way.

I know from research, professional experience, and my own journey that separation anxiety is treatable and that the constant worry and logistical weight of managing absences does ease with time. And yet, every time someone shares that they’re living this reality with their dog right now, I’m reminded of how heavy it can feel in the moment.

Managing absences is neither easy nor fun, and it’s not something I or any Certified Separation Anxiety Trainer (CSAT) recommend lightly. It is, however, one of the kindest things we can do for a dog struggling with separation anxiety. It’s also essential for helping them learn that alone time is safe, so you can eventually walk out the door without hesitation.

Why is it so kind and essential?

Because absence management protects our dogs from experiencing the true panic that can ensue when they’re left home alone. Remember, separation anxiety is a panic issue akin to a phobia, and panic is not a behavior problem. It is an involuntary fear response. When we remove the stimulus that triggers that panic, we give the dog’s nervous system the space to settle and learn something new. When we combine absence management with training, we are able to give the dog the skills, support, and time to change their emotional response to being home alone.

In other words, managing absences isn’t about spoiling dogs or rearranging your life “unnecessarily.” It’s about not repeatedly exposing your dog to something that terrifies them. We would never repeatedly drop a child with a fear of water into the deep end and hope, let alone expect, they learn to swim; we would start small, with support, at the shallow end, and gradually adjust that support over time as they move closer to (and eventually master) swimming solo with confidence in the deep end.

Managing absences is like starting in the shallow end. It’s a necessary step to safely and successfully reaching your alone-time goals for you and your dog. I’ve said it before, and it’s worth saying again: absence management is temporary, even if it doesn’t feel that way at the start (or along the way). And you do not need to be the one with your dog 24/7 (more on that below!).

What does it look like in real life?

A friend and former colleague often reminds me that our options are only limited by our creativity when it comes to managing absences. As a guardian, I found that much harder to believe than I do as a trainer; it is so hard when you are so close to a situation, so emotionally invested, and often exhausted from it all to get the creative juices flowing.

Let me offer you some evidence to back that up. My beloved boy had progressed to about 15 minutes of comfortable alone time, and I was trying desperately to schedule a much-needed haircut when I had dog care available. My hairdresser said her first available slot was 8 a.m. on a Saturday. When I asked about anything later in the day because I needed a dog sitter, she said I was welcome to bring him if he was okay with people since it was the first appointment of the day and we’d have the salon to ourselves. 

The idea of asking would have never entered my mind, and it turned out to be a perfect solution that met both of our needs in that moment. After that, I started asking in similar situations whether he might be able to accompany me if the first or last appointment of the day was available.

Real-World Absence Management Ideas

This list to get your creative juices flowing is not exhaustive, though I do hope it serves as a helpful starting point. I fully recognize that every person’s situation (and dog) is very different, and each of our experiences with absence management is truly unique.

• Create a rotating support system with pet sitters, dog walkers, and trusted neighbors.
• If your dog is dog-social, trade coverage with fellow dog guardians by taking turns watching each other’s dogs. If your dog isn’t dog-social but is comfortable with children, similar arrangements may work—many families appreciate this kind of support.
• Reduce time away by ordering groceries and other essentials online for pickup or delivery.
• Bring your dog along whenever possible—taking them with you counts.
• Ask whether your dog can join you, even if you expect the answer might be no. You may be pleasantly surprised.
• Use professional directories to find vetted pet sitters, including Fear Free Pets, the National Association of Pet Sitters, and Pet Sitters International.
• Interview potential sitters through platforms like Rover.com or through local mutual-aid and neighborhood groups on social media.
• Share your needs on local digital and physical message boards (libraries, community centers, pet stores, universities, community colleges, and dog-friendly senior centers).
• Check with your veterinary clinic to see whether staff members offer pet sitting or can recommend trusted sitters.

Managing absences is rarely convenient, often misunderstood, and sometimes logistically overwhelming — and yet it is an act of compassion that pays dividends. It gives dogs the chance to learn that being alone is safe, and it gives guardians the chance to rebuild their freedom without sacrificing their dog’s emotional well-being.

If you’re struggling to manage absences or feeling unsure about where to start with training, we’re here to help you and your dog move forward. Please reach out to us using this form for separation anxiety support: Separation Anxiety Support Form.